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Real Off-Topic Hier die interessanteste Ecke: Wenn man(n)/frau einfach mal was erzählen möchte !

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Alt 18. June 2002, 23:12   #1
s0me
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Talking Stirbt die Menschheit an ihrer eigenen Dummheit?

Falls es noch mehr Beweise braucht, dass die menschliche Rasse durch
ihre Dummheit zum Scheitern verurteilt ist - hier einige "echte
Packungsaufschriften" von verschiedenen Konsumartikeln:

1. Auf einem Fön von Sears: "Nicht während des Schlafes benutzen".
[Mist, das wäre die einzige Gelegenheit, wo ich Zeit hätte, mir die
Haare zu fönen!]

2. Auf einem Stück Seife der Firma Dial: "Anleitung: Wie normale
Seife benutzen."
[Ach...das ist ja eine Überraschung und wie geht das!?]

3. Auf Tiefkühlkost von Swansons: "Serviervorschlag: Auftauen."
[Aber das ist "nur" ein Vorschlag!]

4. Auf Tiramisu von Tesco's (auf die "Unterseite" aufgedruckt):
"Nicht umdrehen".
Ups, schon zu spät!]

5. Auf einem Bread-Pudding von Marks & Spencer: "Das Produkt ist
nach dem Kochen heiß".
[Genauso sicher wie auf den Tag der Abend folgt.]

6. Auf der Verpackung eines Rowenta-Bügeleisens: "Die Kleidung
nicht während des Tragens bügeln".
[Aber das hätte doch Zeit gespart?]

7. Auf Boot's Hustenmedizin für "Kinder": "Nach der Einnahme dieser
Medizin nicht Autofahren oder Maschinen bedienen".
[Wir könnten viel für die Vermeidung von Arbeitsunfällen tun, wenn
wir doch nur diese erkälteten 5jährigen Kinder von den Gabelstaplern
wegbrächten!]

8. Auf Nytol Schlafmittel: "Achtung: Kann Müdigkeit verursachen"
[...nichts anderes haben wir gehofft!]

9. Auf einer japanischen Küchenmaschine: "Nicht für die anderen
Benutzungen zu benutzen".
[Zugegebenermaßen, jetzt sind wir neugierig geworden...]

10. Auf Nüssen von Sainsbury's: "Achtung: enthält Nüsse".
[BLITZNACHRICHT!!!]

11. Auf einer Packung Nüsse von American Airlines: "Anleitung:
Packung öffnen, Nüsse essen."
[Was soll da noch schiefgehen?]

12. Auf einem Superman-Kostüm für Kinder: "Das Tragen dieses
Kleidungsstücks ermöglicht es nicht, zu fliegen".
[Hier ist nicht die Firma schuld, sondern die Eltern!!!]


Hab ich vorhin beim aufraeumen der Festplatte gefunden und wollts euch net vorenthalten
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Alt 18. June 2002, 23:37   #2
archon
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Bei der Rechtssprechung von einigen amerikanischen (und anderen?) Gerichten verwundern mich solche Aufdrücke nicht wirklich.

Ich sag nur:

Keine lebenden Tiere in die Mikrowelle stecken

Vorsicht heiß (steht auf jedem McDonald's Kaffeebecher)

Wegen des Fehlens solcher Hinweise wurden schon gerichtlich verhängte Gelder gezahlt.

Deswegen: Kleidung vor dem Bügeln besser ausziehen .
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Geändert von archon (18. June 2002 um 23:53 Uhr)
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Alt 18. June 2002, 23:48   #3
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SirVival eine Nachricht über ICQ schicken
Wenn ich in diesem Zusamenhang nocheinmal auf den diesen Thread verweisen darf --> http://212.202.219.33/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3427

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Alt 18. June 2002, 23:51   #4
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Exclamation Mist!

Ich werde mir auf die Kühlschranktür eine Warnung bappen:

Vorsicht! Inhalt kann kalt sein! - Hoffentlich

*mitdenschwitzperlenampepsiglasspiel*
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Alt 19. June 2002, 00:05   #5
snOOpy
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*auf Temparatur schau* :o
*Schweiß abwisch*
*SprotteSH zustimmend zunicken*
...
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Alt 19. June 2002, 00:29   #6
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Zitat:
Original geschrieben von snOOpy
*auf Temparatur schau* :o
*Schweiß abwisch*
...
jetzt mach mal hier keinen auf mir ist warm...ich durfte heute um 12 Uhr reiten......es zeigte ja nur 36 Grad im Schatten
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Alt 19. June 2002, 00:35   #7
SprotteSH
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Question "Dürfen"?

So ein Klepper gehört ja nun auch zu den Warmblütern - und da noch bei der Hitze draufsitzen ... puhhhh

Ich hätte dem Tier - und mir - ein kühles schattiges Plätzchen an einem frischen Quell gegönnt ...

Huch, das Pepsi-Glas ist schon wieder leer ...
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Alt 19. June 2002, 06:36   #8
Langnase
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Zu den 12 "Dummheitspunkten": Das traurige ist, dass hinter jedem Punkt eine gewonnene Klage steht ("aber auf der Mikrowelle stand nicht drauf, dass ich die Katze da drin nicht trocknen darf").
Deswegen ess ich jetzt meinen Schreibtisch und verklage Fielmann
Gruß Langnase
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Alt 19. June 2002, 06:43   #9
HypeX
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Das ist leider wegen den netten intelligenten Amis ... die verklagen dich dann auf 20 Millionen US $ weil du ihnen net gesagt hast, das der Kaffee heiß sein könnte ... ist wirklich so, du kannst da alles anklagen, deswegen sind die dümmsten Leute auch die reichsten, wir sind zu intelligent dazu
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Alt 19. June 2002, 06:44   #10
HypeX
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Zitat:
jetzt mach mal hier keinen auf mir ist warm...ich durfte heute um 12 Uhr reiten......es zeigte ja nur 36 Grad im Schatten
Kommt drauf an ob du geritten hast oder geritten wurdest
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Alt 19. June 2002, 09:31   #11
Langnase
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Und von wem
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Alt 19. June 2002, 09:39   #12
archon
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Vom Teufel etwa?

*** 5 Euro in die schlechte Wortspielkasse (ups, früher waren dat mal 5 DM, so wird der Euro wirklich zum Teuro........wer hier jetzt eine Diskussion darüber anfängt wird erschossen!!!)***
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Hip hip hurra, QSC ist super, QSC ist wunderbar. Hip hip hurra, QSC ist super, QSC ist wunderbar, alles ist besser als es damals war. Alle sind happy, alle sind glücklich, alle sind froh. Und überall wo man hinguckt Liebe und Frieden und so.
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Alt 19. June 2002, 18:48   #13
Loibisch
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Jaja, ich bin seitdem auch ganz arm geworden (wegen Wortspielen ).
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Alt 19. June 2002, 18:51   #14
James Bond 007
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Hi allerseits,

hier sind ein paar Auszüge aus den USA:

Alabama

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Brewerton: Use of motor boats forbidden on city streets.

Alaska

It is forbidden to push a moose out of a plane in motion.
It is against the law to look at a moose from an airplane.
Fairbanks: No moose is allowed to have sex on city streets.

Arizona

Glendale: It is against the law for a car to back up.
Mohave County: Anyone caught stealing a soap, must wash himself with it, until it's all used up.

Arkansas

A man has a legal right to beat his wife, but only once a month.
It's illegal to mispronounce the name of the state (ie of course Arkansas).
Little Rock: Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets may result in a 30-day jail term....

California

A woman cannot drive a car while she is dressed in a house-coat.
It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
It is illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
Belvedere: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."
Blythe: A person must own at least two cows before he is permitted to wear cowboy boots in public.
Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than 2000 sheep down Hollywood Bouleward simultanously.
L.A.: A man can legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than two inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap, preferably in advance.
L.A.: You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
L.A.: If robbing a bank, shooting at the teller with a water gun is prohibited.
Okland: Illegal to rob a birds nest from a public cemetery.
Ventura County: Cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

Colorado

Denver: It is illegal to mistreat rats.
Logan County: Illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
Pueblo: Illegal to raise or permit a dandelion to grow within the city limits.
Sterling: Unlawful to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight.

Connecticut

You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
Harford: Crossing the street walking on your hands is not allowed.
Hartford: Illegal to educate dogs.

Delaware

Lowes Crossroads: It is a violation of the local law for any pilot or passenger to carry an ice cream cone in their pocket while either flying or waiting to board a plane.

District of Colombia

It is unlawful for small boys to throw stones, at any time, at any place.
Washington: The only acceptable sexual position is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

Florida

Illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.
Rats are forbidden from leaving the ships docked in Tampa Bay.
An elephants tied to a parking meter must pay a regular parking fee.
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, and som may the salon owner.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Hunting and killing a dear while swimming is illegal.
You're not allowed to break more than three dishes a day, or chip the edge off more than four cups and/or saucers.
Miami: Illegal to go around imitating animals.
Saratoga: Illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.

Georgia

It's unlawful for a barber to advertise his prices.
It is a misdemeanor for any citizen to attend church worship on Sunday unless he is equipped with a rifle and it is loaded.
Jonesboro: Forbidden to say "Oh, boy".

Idaho

Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
Coeur d'Alene: If police officers suspect a couple is having sex inside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times, and wait two minutes before being allowed to approach the scene.
Idaho Falls: Forbidden for anyone over the age of eighty-eight to ride a motorcycle.
Wallace: Unlawful for anyone to sleep in a dog kennel.

Illinois

Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister.
It is against the law to speak English in Illinois.
Prohibited to drive a car without a steering wheel.
Chicago: Eating in a place that is on fire is forbidden.
Cicero: Humming on public streets on Sundays prohibited.
Evanston: Unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
Kenilworth: Roosters must be at least three hundred feet away from any residence if he wishes to crow. Hens that wish to cackle must be two hundred feet away from any residence.
Oblong: It is a crime to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day.
Urbana: No monster may enter the corporate limits.
Zion: Illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.

Indiana

Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic.
Elkhart: It is illegal for a barber to threaten to cut off a youngster's ears.

Iowa

No kiss may last more than five minutes.
Aimes: A husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife, or holding her hands.
Ottumwa: "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted."

Kansas

Wichita: A father cannot frighten his daughter's boyfriend with a gun.

Kentucky

"No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."
An ammendment to the above law: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."
Forbidden to appear on the streets of any town or village in bathing dress without police protection.
Transport of an ice cream cone in your pocket is prohibited.
Anyone who has been drinking is sober until s/he "cannot hold onto the ground".
Everyone must take a bath at least once a year.

Louisiana

In Louisiana, biting someone with your natural teeth is considered 'simple assault' while biting someone with your false teeth is 'aggravated assault'.

Maine

Rumford: Illegal to bite the landlord, no matter how much he deserves it.

Maryland

It is illegal to mistreat oysters.
Baltimore: Illegal to wash or scrub sinks, no matter how dirty they get.
Baltimore: Illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits.
Baltimore: Illegal to take a lion to the movies.
Halethrope: Illegal to kiss for more than one second.

Massachusetts

Christmas was outlawed in 1659.
It is forbidden to put tomatoes in clam chowder.
It is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday, regardless of emergencies.
All dogs required to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
Cooling one's feet by hanging them out the window is forbidden.
Law declares that peanuts may not be eaten in court.
Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
Snoring is illigal unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
Goatees are illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
Boston: Illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.
Brockton: Any person need a license before they are permitted to enter a sewer.
Fitchburg: Barbers are not allowed to carry combs in back of their ears.
Holyoke: It is unlawful to water your lawn when it is raining.
Salem: Even married couples are forbidden from sleeping nude in rented rooms.
Southbridge: Illegal to read books or newspapers after 8 p.m. in the streets.


so long

JB
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Alt 19. June 2002, 18:51   #15
James Bond 007
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Hi allerseits,

und der 2. Teil:

Michigan

A woman's hair legally belongs to her husband, consequently she's not allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
If any man kisses his wife on Sunday, the party at fault shall be punished at the discretion of the court.
Detroit: Couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
Rochester: Anyone bathing in public must have his or her bathing suit inspected by a police officer.

Minnesota

Alexandria: Illegal for a husband to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines. The wife can by law force her husband to brush her teeth.
Blue Earth: Law declares that no child under the age of twelve may talk over the telephone unless accompanies by a parent.

Missouri

Kansas City: Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they can, however, buy shotguns freely.
Merryville: Women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "The privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."
St. Louis: Illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.

Montana

Bozeman: You can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, and if you are nude (socks is OK).
Helena: A woman cannot dance on a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than three pounds, two ounces.

Nebraska

A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
A motorist approaching a horse at night must send up warning red rockets and Roman candles, throw a scenic tarpaulin over his car to conceal it from the horse, and take his machine apart and hide the parts in the grass it the tarpaulin doesn't soothe the horse.
Hastings: Hotel owners are required by law to provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest. According to the law, no couple may have sex unless they are wearing the nightshirts.
Omaha: It is against the law for a barber to shave a man's chest.

Nevada

It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
Sex without a condom is considered illegal.
Eureka: Men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women.

New Hampshire

It is against the law to tap your feet, nod your head or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant or cafe.

New Jersey

Cresskill: Cats must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
Liberty Corner: Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail.
Trenton: Unlawful to throw any tainted pickles in the streets (good pickles, however).

New Mexico

Carlsbad: During lunch breaks no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
Carrizozo: It is forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face).

New York

Albany: Disallowed to play golf in the streets.
Carmel: A man cannot go outside wearing unmatching jacket and pants.
Greene: Illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalk during a concert.
NYC: Illegal for a man to turn around and look "at a woman in that way", and violators are forced to wear horse blinders.
Rochester: Firemen must wear ties while on duty.

North Carolina

It is illegal to take a dear swimming in water above its knees.
Asheville: You can't sneeze on the streets.
Barber: Cats and dogs are not allowed to fight.
Thomasville: No airplanes are allowed to fly over the town on Sundays during the hours between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m.
Winston-Salem: It is against the law for children under seven years of age to go to college.

North Dakota

Beer and pretzels cannot be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
Illegal to go to bed wearing boots or shoes.

Ohio

Berea: Any animal that is out after dark must have a tail light.
Cleveland: Women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
Cleveland: Operating a motor vehicle while sitting in another person's lap is forbidden.
Oxford: Illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.
Paulding: A policeperson may bite a dog to quiet him.
Portsmouth: The law ranks baseball players with "vagrants, thieves and other suspicious characters."
Youngstown: Running out of gas is illegal.

Oklahoma

Criminals can be fined, arrested or jailed for making faces at a dog.
Whale hunting is strictly forbidden throughout the entire state.
Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
Dogs need a mayor-signed permit to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.
Clinton: Masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car is forbidden.
Tulsa: Kisses lasting more than three minutes are forbidden.
Tulsa: Against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.

Oregon

A dead person cannot be required to serve on a jury.
Use of canned corn in fishing is illegal.
Hood River: You can't juggle without a license.
Willowdale: No man may curse while having sex with his wife.

Pennsylvania

"Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue."
Housewives may not hide dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.
Danville: All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.
Harrisburg: Illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.
York: You can't sit down while watering your lawn with a hose.

Rhode Island

Newport: Illegal to smoke a pipe after sunset.
Province: Illegal to sell toothpaste and toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.

South Carolina

Fountain Inn: Horses were once required to wear pants at all times.

South Dakota

Sioux Falls: Hotels are required by law to furnish their rooms with twin beds only. There should be a minimum of two feet between the beds, and it is illegal for a couple to make love on the floor between the beds.

Tennessee

It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
It is illegal to drive a car while sleeping.
You can't shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
Dyersburg: Illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
Memphis: Illegal for a woman to drive by herself; "a man must walk or run in front of the vehicle, waving a red flag in order to warn approaching pedestrians and motorists".
Oneida: Forbidden to sing the song "It Ain't Goin' To Rain No Mo'".

Texas

Criminals are required to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
Illegal to raise alligators in your home.
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
You need a five-dollar permit to go barefoot.
Kingsville: Two pigs cannot have sex on the city's airport property.
Lefors: Illegal to take more than three swallows of beer at any time while standing.
San Antonio: Illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.

Utah

Birds have the right of way on all highways.
A husband is responsible for every criminal act commited by his wife while she is in his presence.
Utah state legislation outlaws all sex with anyone but your spouse.
Adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment.
Sex with an animal - unless performed for profit - however is NOT considered sodomy.
Polygamy - provided only the missionary position has been applied - is only a misdemeanor.
Tremonton: No woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.
Trout Creek: Pharmacists may not sell gun powder as a headache cure.

Vermont

It is obligatory for everyone to take at least one bath each week, on Saturday night.
Rutland: Cars are forbidden from backfireing.

Virginia

The statute of The Virginia Code: "To prohibit corrupt practices or bribery by any person other than candidates."
Norfolk: No woman may go in public without wearing a corset.

Washington

All lollipops are forbidden.
Having sex with a virgin is illegal under any circumstances (including the wedding night).
"It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town."
Seattle: Goldfish can ride the city buses in bowls only if they kept still.
Seattle: You may not carry a concealed weapon that is longer than six feet.
Wilbur: Illegal to ride upon the streets on an ugly horse.

West Virginia

Children may not attend school if their breath's smelling "wild onions".
Peewee: It is illegal to let your horse fall asleep in the airport.

Wisconsin

Connorsville: No man shall shoot of a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.
Racine: Illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.

Wyoming

Newcastle: Couples are banned from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer.

Have fun

so long

JB
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Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.

Mitglied werden beim Q-DSL Support SETI Team -> OffTopic Forum
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